Page 53
ACT 3
Scene XXXII: MILLENIUM FALCON, deep space - Deep space time
Shot
of the MILLENIUM FALCON cockpit with HAN in the pilot’s seat; he has
visibly aged, and so has the Falcon. Gone are the pristine white
interiors and glamorous accessories. Just behind the door, we see the
interior rooms packed with crates full of junk, some of them spilling
out the contents - mainly illegal drugs. HAN is unshaven, looking tired
and dazed. The only half-decent thing is the wide-brimmed fedora hat on
his head, which was probably won in a recent gambling match.
HAN SOLO
C2M8, give me the status on the contents of the Mustafar spice cargo.
I’m coming down from it, man... I need me some of... the good stuff.
C2M8
Your
worshipfulness! I must alert that JABBA has been expecting you for
three weeks, and he seemed preoccupied on the last contact. The odds of
not getting a reprimand are -
HAN SOLO
Shut it, robot! Or I’ll kick... you... in the -
HAN
falls from the seat and passes out on the floor. C2M8 hurriedly issues a
voice command for the ship to travel at light speed to CAPUTZA. Cut
into the Falcon landing in the usual hangar. We see imperial troops
swarming the main streets of CAPUTZA. As HAN wakes up and stumbles out,
GREEDO reaches the hangar with a grin on his face.
GREEDO
Oonta goota, SOLO?
HAN SOLO
I’m
not in the mood for your chauvinistic bulshit, GREEDO. If you want to
talk to me, speak Corellian. Or better yet, just get out of my way, I
know how to get to JABBA’s.
GREEDO
He’s not happy at all, SOLO. The imperials found *some*
spice on the containers headed to Coruscant.
HAN SOLO
And how did they find that out, Greedo? You don’t fool me!
You dirty RAT! Get out of my way.
HAN
storms off, violently throwing GREEDO to the ground. As he leaves the
hangar, he sees the spaceport full of imperials, checking JABBAS’s
trucks one by one. He pulls his fedora down and quickly leaves.
Scene XXXIII: Jabba’s crib, CAPUTZA - Afternoon
HAN
is greeted by a pale Twi’lek who has been serving as JABBA’s butler for
the last few years. He tries to block his entrance but HAN simply walks
inside, leaving the staffer no option but to follow him. He’s getting
increasingly annoyed by all the intermediaries. After a few dozen steps,
and three or four rooms and corridors later, he gets into the main
office where he sees JABBA at a desk, nervously looking through papers.
JABBA TIURE (translated by BIB FORTUNA, the butler)
HAN!
Finally you are here. We are in deep trouble. The imperials know about
our... “goods”. You know, the good “goods”. The goodie goodies
goti-di-godies “good” goodies -
HAN starts talking very quickly but stopping mid-sentence, looking around in paranoia.
HAN SOLO
I
get the picture, JABBA. That dirty snitch... gave us away! He’s been
trying to get his comeuppance... the jealous asshole... They couldn’t
have known otherwise... we took every precaution... we bribed the right
people, we -
He abruptly stops talking and seems exhausted.
JABBA TIURE
HAN, what has gotten into you? Calm down, my boy.
HANNY, have you been using the go-gotigi-good-goodies-goods on your own again?
HAN SOLO
Stop acting... like you were my father.
I’ve got everything under control... alright?
JABBA TIURE
HANNY... Why did I pay that VIP rehab program for?
HAN SOLO
Listen
JABBA... just listen to me! We need to sort this out... We’ll have to
relocate the operation... Don’t you own a place in... Tatooine? It’s in
the middle of nowhere... it’s the perfect place for us now.
JABBA TIURE
Tatooine
is bad news! I left it after the Great Podrace Tragedy of 3245 LY. Two
brave podi-racers died in that year’s Boonta Eve Classic, which was won
by a slave fatherless boy! Just like you, my HANNY! That’s why I decided
to contribute to orphan’s charities, and left the darn planet after
failing to get more security measures into legislation. I can’t go back
there. Plus, all my family is here HANNY, all my dear friends -
HAN SOLO
We don’t have time for this sentimental crap!
HAN is yelling, wasting most of the energy he has left.
HAN SOLO
GREEDO
has the Imperials on our tail... we have to move. That sand planet is
the right place... The Empire has no power there... let’s go ALREADY.
HAN
turns his back on a tearful JABBA and walks out. JABBA vents out some
sorrowful words, which the dumb Twi’lek stupidly continues to translate
to no audience whatsoever.
JABBA TIURE
Oh, ODDS-oddies... I’m doing my bests,
but the boy seems likes a lost hopies.
(end of excerpt)
Page 62
Scene XXXVI: MILLENIUM FALCON, deep space - Deep space time
HAN
is stumbling through the MILLENIUM FALCON. Unlike the last few
shipments, which were quite modest, the FALCON seems fuller than ever.
HAN is clearly searching for something, going from crate to crate. He
finally finds one with a golden seal on top: “GRADE AAA”. He rips the
seal apart to open the crate.
C2M8
Master HAN, isn’t that part of our delivery?
HAN SOLO
Shut
up, I need some of this if we’re going to delude the damn imperial
surveillance ships. Plus, someone has to test the
gooti-gooti-good-goodies...
HAN grabs a bag of
high-quality glitterstim spice, the most expensive in the galaxy.
Without hesitation he starts getting everything ready. The screen fades
to black.
Fade-in: close-up shot of HAN facing up, gasping with
his eyes wide-open. After a few seconds spent collecting his breath he
gets C2M8 head, hastens to the cockpit and sits on the pilot’s chair. He
seems determined. He lets out a loud scream of pleasure that startles
C2M8, who rolls down to the floor.
HAN SOLO
WOOOOOOO! LET’S GO! Give me the coordinates of the exit point.
HAN starts talking very quickly, almost in a trance.
HAN SOLO
Alright,
so Kessel is on our back, the exit is in front of us, we got some
imperials here, we got some imperials there, we got the spice with us,
Jabba is waiting on Tatooine, Kessel is on our back and Kessel is in
front of us. If we go around the imperials and head back through JABBA
maybe Kessel won’t see us… Give me some coordinates, droid! Let’s see...
if we use the spice to get the JABBA from the imperials to the FALCON,
maybe we can cut down a couple of parsecs, or maybe we get the parsecs
on a milkshake on Tatooine... maybe...
These paradoxes
were making C2M8’s processor heat up. The intermittent light flashes in
his eyes indicated that he was making computationally heavy operations.
He starts screeching and beeping very loudly, almost as weirdly as HAN,
as if some of the spice had gotten into his circuits.
C2M8
Worshipfulness
master input= Kessel & 010100010100 & spice parsecs >
parsecs exit printf %.f2 1/8889 return 001010001010 JABBA spice spice++
Kessel^2 0101010010 100101010101000101 F@LCON || destination while exit
do destination=spice product?
HAN
010101010\n.
The
two apparently insane occupants of the FALCON are screaming utter
nonsense at each other and at the freighter. HAN grabs his joystick and
maneuvers it in ten different directions at once; at the same time we
see C2M8 extending an appendage from the bottom of his exposed neck and
attaching it to a port on the FALCON. A control panel right beside him
shows the constant flux of contradictory orders he’s giving the
spaceship every two milliseconds. The scene continues for a few moments,
the focus changing from HAN to C2M8 and back to HAN as their constant
yelling becomes increasingly incomprehensible. Suddenly, smoke starts
coming out of C2M8’s head and, after a couple of seconds, he explodes as
the FALCON comes to a full stop. HAN is projected against the main
windowshield and passes out.
HAN SOLO wakes up on the floor of
the cockpit. He is dizzy but manages to slowly climb up to the chair. He
looks to the floor on his right side where he sees C2M8’s remains
spread out. He seems sorrowful but still too confused to fully grasp
what transpired there. He gazes over his shoulder into the interior on
the FALCON and remembers the spice, the job. He turns around again and
rests his hands on the control panel, still trying to remember what
happened before he passed out. His eyes lower into the FALCON’s meter
and suddenly he freezes. He seems transfixed. He blinks several times
and double-checks the numbers. He can’t believe it: he just made the
Kessel Run in less than twelve parsecs.
(end of excerpt)
Page 68
Scene XXXVIII: Jabba’s Crib, TATOOINE – Evening
JABBA’s
place is very different since last time. There are all kinds of weird
aliens surrounding him, including exotic dancers and a groovy band. HAN
hands him some paperwork.
JABBA TIURE (translated by BIB FORTUNA, looking more pink)
Oh, oh, oh! HANNY boy!
You always deliver, eh eh.
HAN SOLO
Easy job as always, JABBA. I see you upgraded the joint...
JABBA TIURE
Eh, eh, eh! You like what you see?
HAN SOLO
Doesn’t really seem like you. How’s the kid project going?
Many orphans for you to play benefactor around here?
JABBA TIURE
I have other projects now, my friend.
Have I shown you my new pet, the RANCOR?
HAN SOLO
I haven’t had the pleasure...
JABBA TIURE
Stick around for a bit HAN, you are a man of
pleasures, and there’s much I can show you, eh, eh, eh!
JABBA orders one of the alien girls to start dancing. She’s dressed in a slave costume. HAN looks disgusted.
HAN SOLO
Ok JABBA, hand me the money. I need to get going,
I’ve got another appointment on Mos Eisley.
JABBA TIURE
Oh, one of your low-life smuggler friends?
I thought you had stopped wasting your time with them.
HAN SOLO
Easy money is good money.
JABBA TIURE
Just don’t get caught, eh, eh, eh!
As
HAN is leaving we hear JABBA laughing hysterically. He looks behind and
notices that the dancing girl is no longer there and a trapdoor is open
on the floor. As he turns his head and continues walking, a loud grunt
echoes out of the caves.
(end of excerpt)
Page 74
Scene XL: Cantina, TATOOINE - Evening
HAN
SOLO gets inside the Mos Eisley cantina and heads directly to a table
in the back. Sitting there is BOBA FETT, his old acquaintance and
sometimes rival.
HAN SOLO (under his breath, as he sits)
I have a bad feeling about this.
BOBA FETT
SOLO, there’s a job. The Empire wants two wookies.
I give you the info, you get them. 50-50.
HAN SOLO
Let
me get this straight, BOBBY: you sit here drinking banthas milk while I
head who knows where to get mangled by some wild fury beasts, try to
get the payment before next year from the imperial bureaucrats and then
come back here to give you HALF of the bounty? Did I get it right? Be
serious FETT, 80-20.
BOBA FETT
70-30, SOLO. The intel is on your ship.
Scene XLI: Jungle, KASHYYYK - Afternoon
Zoom
into HAN SOLO as he goes deeper into the jungle. He has his blaster
ready but his hand is shaking, his forehead is sweaty, his eyes are wild
- he has taken his usual “precautions”. He starts looking for his
targets, but can’t concentrate; there are too many sounds, distractions
all around. His steps are heavy but he presses on.
(end of excerpt)
Page 76
Scene XLII: Jungle, KASHYYYK - Evening
The
lady was right, there were two wookies hidden inside the cave! One of
them was coming out, apparently to get water from the river. He points
his blaster at the wookie. He has the wookie in his aim. The other one
comes out of the cave and calls the first. HAN understands their grunts.
HAN SOLO
... “father”... - they’re father and son!
The older wookie spots HAN. The two start running back inside the cave when a blaster shot hits the father on his back.
YOUNGER WOOKIE
RAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWR!!!!
STORMTROOPER
Don’t let the other one escape!
HAN turns around and sees BOBA accompanied by two stormtroopers.
BOBA FETT
You’ll get your 30% for finding them.
The stormtroopers head for the cave.
HAN SOLO
That wasn’t our deal...
Why did you bring them?
BOBA FETT
Just business, quicker payment.
After
a few moments and some commotion, HAN sees the two stormtroopers
carrying the younger wookie, who must have been stunned. As they drag
the wookie past him, HAN and the creature exchange a look. HAN quickly
makes up his mind. He tries hard to compose himself.
HAN SOLO
I can take him. I’ll deliver him to your captain for 40%.
STORMTROOPER #1
We don’t take orders from you.
HAN SOLO
The captain trusts me pal, we are long time collaborators.
Why don’t you give me your ID number?
I will tell him about this.
STORMTROOPER #2
Step aside, punk.
HAN SOLO readies his blaster and points at the stormtroopers.
HAN SOLO
Easy now. Drop those blasters and uncuff the wookie.
Before they can follow his orders, BOBA returns, pointing his blaster at HAN.
BOBA FETT
Enough, SOLO. You’re going with the wookie.
HAN SOLO
You’re double crossing me FETT?
Get away or I’ll shoot you.
Don’t try me.
The
two stare intensely at each other, but HAN is too agitated and loses
his nerves, trying to change targets. His reflexes are not as responsive
and BOBA shoots his blaster off his hand. The two stormtroopers storm
him and lay a storm down on him. As one of them handcuffs HAN, the other
hands the full payment to BOBA FETT.
(end of excerpt)
Page 79
Scene XLIV: KASHYYYK, a dirty and barely lit underground cell - Multiple occasions
HAN
and the wookie are sitting in the prison cell, beaten up and bloodied.
They have been there for days. HAN is sweating from cold turkey; he’s a
mess. The wookie stares at him. HAN tries to mutter something, barely
perceptible.
HAN SOLO
... traitor... get you... what am I doing...
bad path... the odds of dying today... low...
Someone
comes, striking a stick on the cage-like door and throws two plates of a
disgusting substance on the floor, breaking them. The wookie grabs his
plate and eats, slowly, as he is now used to it. HAN doesn’t even notice
the food.
HAN SOLO
... no one... to help... never anyone... solo.
An
undetermined amount of time passes and HAN looks sicker than ever,
almost only bones and fully bearded. The wookie still doesn’t trust him
after all this time. But he has to do something or HAN will die. The
food comes again. The wookie eats the food as usual. But this time,
after some signs of doubt, he tries to give some soup to HAN. When he
gives the first spoon, HAN drinks it but coughs it at the wookie’s face
immediately.
THE WOOKIE
RAAAAAAAAWRFDPFDPFDPWWWCABRAOWWR!
He
lets the soup fall into the ground and pushes HAN away. After some more
time the wookie comes back to his senses and slowly gives HAN a piece
of bread.
A few more days have passed, HAN still looks a mess but
seems more attentive and less sick. The wookie is feeding HAN again,
who grunts, with his mouth full.
HAN SOLO
This is awful...
THE WOOKIE
Rawr!
HAN SOLO
I can’t understand you, wookie. I just know one or two words.
Maybe you don’t understand me either... but ... thank you.
The
wookie looks at him and, after a few moments, smiles. HAN frowns at his
smile, bewildered. He opens his mouth to say something, stops to smile
back and then says.
HAN SOLO
You can teach me wookienese sometime, maybe.
Scene XLV: KASHYYYK, the same prison cell – Morning
A few more days have passed, HAN is now eating by himself, with his hand still shaking. CHEWBACCA watches attentively.
HAN SOLO
I have to be honest about something with you pal *coughs*
I came here to get some wookies...
HAN SOLO waits for a reaction, but nothing comes.
HAN SOLO
You
already figured that out, an? I was deep in some... trouble. Personal.
And I needed the money. And, truth be told, I was too out of it to
really know what I was signing up for. But then I got here and I saw you
guys and... was he... was he your father?
CHEWBACCA
Gu gé!
A single tears starts dropping from CHEWIE’s eye, but gets lost in the fur.
HAN SOLO
Yeah...
And so, I don’t know, even with all the spice, something clicked inside
me... I couldn’t move. And then the imperials came and I HAD to move...
but couldn’t... Couldn’t help you. Because of this damned spice! Sorry
pal, I don’t know why I’m telling you all this, believe me, it’s not my
type. I guess prison opens you up, right?
CHEWBACCA
Rw.
HAN SOLO
Anyway,
when we get out of here... and we will... I’m going to stop, I’m going
to kick this habit! Until then you’ll just have to deal with my
withdrawal a while lon - *vomit*
(end of excerpt)
Page 83
Scene XLVII: KASHYYYK, the cell - Morning
HAN SOLO and CHEWBACCA have been behind bars for weeks, maybe months, when something unexpected happens.
PRISON GUARD #1
You have a visitor, SOLO.
The door to the corridor leading to the cell opens and a familiar face shows up: LANDO CALRISSIAN. Looking fine, sexy and beast.
LANDO CALRISSIAN
HAN... I only just knew of this.
I came as soon as I could.
HAN SOLO
Who told you?
LANDO CALRISSIAN
My wife.
HAN SOLO
You have a wife?
LANDO CALRISSIAN
I married an ewok... politics.
It's a temporary arrangement.
HAN SOLO
You were always into the hairy ones.
THE WOOKIE
Raaaaaaaaaawr!
LANDO CALRISSIAN
Don’t get too excited, fuzzball.
HAN SOLO
Nice seeing you, CALRISSIAN.
LANDO CALRISSIAN
You know I can’t get you out of here.
HAN SOLO
I know a way, and it won’t get you into trouble.
With his fingers, HAN SOLO motions LANDO CALRISSIAN to come closer. He leans in and waits for HAN to proceed.
(end of excerpt)
Page 90
Scene LI: MILLENIUM FALCON, flying fast over KASHYYYK – Evening
HAN
quickly turns the controls, avoiding crashing into some trees.
CHEWBACCA, standing behind, is almost thrown to the floor. Imperial TIE
Fighters follow closely.
HAN SOLO
Have you ever been in one of this? Can you man the guns while I try to fly us out of here?
CHEWBACCA
Rrrwwwk!
Several
shots of the spaceships as HAN skillfully navigates the MILLENIUM
FALCON through the treetops and two of the enemy fighters slam right
into them. As they start gaining altitude, a final TIE ship is still in
hot pursuit, but just as it seems to be getting too close, it gets blown
to smithereens by CHEWBACCA. Split shot of HAN in the cockpit and
CHEWBBACCA in the cannon room.
HAN SOLLA
Attaboy!
CHEWBACCA
Gah!
As
the MILLENIUM FALCON leaves KASHYYYK’s atmosphere, the wookie returns
to the cockpit. He bashes his head against some golden dice dangling
from the ceiling and tries to get them down.
CHEWBACCA
Gah gah!
HAN SOLO
Calm down pal, if it wasn’t for that lucky pair we wouldn’t be here.
CHEWBACCA
lets out some more grunts into the air and then takes his seat as
co-pilot of the FALCON, for the first time! HAN grins in his direction.
HAN SOLO
This is where the fun begins!
CUE MUSIC!
THE END
22 May 2018
21 May 2018
Solo leaked script - Act II
Page 36
ACT 2
Scene XIX: Outer space, inside the MILLENIUM FALCON – Outer space time
The Millenium Falcon has been travelling in hyperspace for hours. HAN, with nothing else to do, spends his time inspecting the crisp interior of the freighter. He had never seen such a pristine spaceship: velvet seats, silk pillows, holographic casino games and even a virtual jacuzzi. HAN gets inside and quickly starts falling asleep in the warm environment when a sexy black man suddenly appears, startling him.
LANDO CALRISSIAN (singing)
Stay woke
Lando’s creepin'
He gon' find you
Gon' catch you sleepin’!
HAN SOLO
Hmwem... what?
LANDO CALRISSIAN
Mr. Renowitz! Your highness! I’m LANDO, your humble servant...
LANDO is clearly amused while HAN tries to hide his embarrassment: it was becoming clear to him that there was no need in getting naked to use a virtual jacuzzi.
HAN SOLO
Erm, how long until we get to Caputza?
LANDO CALRISSIAN
Ma man, let’s introduce ourselves! Catch this.
LANDO throws a funny looking package to HAN, which falls into the virtual water. HAN rescues it.
LANDO CALRISSIAN
I’m LANDO, I’m a smuggler, also a gambler and full time ladies man.
You do as I say and you are going to have some fun
while staying on the FALCON.
HAN regains his wits and tries to get the upper hand.
HAN SOLO
I thought you were my taxi driver. Will you lend me your cape so I can dry myself?
LANDO feigns being offended.
LANDO CALRISSIAN
You call this a taxi? This is the fastest ship in the galaxy, “Mr. Renowitz”.
The back-and-forth continues for a few minutes. Although bitingly sarcastic, the two men seem to get along, admiring each other’s arrogance and strong sense of self-worth.
HAN SOLO
So, what’s the plan? Why haven’t we reached JABBA yet?
LANDO CALRISSIAN
I’m not going to be your babysitter, that’s for sure.
The fat slob can wait, we will make some real money in the meantime.
Scene XX: Multiple places - Mainly evenings
MONTAGE SEQUENCE (duration 3:30):
Scenes of HAN and LANDO making money from smuggling, spending the money on ladies and gambling, making more money, spending more money. The montage ends with LANDO and HAN parting ways in a friendly fashion.
[Musical supervisor: try to get the rights for a Figrin D'an and the Modal Nodes version of “Push It to the Limit” to use as soundtrack.]
(end of excerpt)
Page 38
Scene XXII: CAPTUZA, Hangar - Morning
HAN enters JABBA’s office, clearly frustrated.
HAN SOLO
JABBA, this job isn’t cutting it for me.
I’m tired of driving space trucks to get a buck and a half.
JABBA TIURE (translated by C2M8)
HAN, tiny HANNY! Know wes been losing clients.
But run a fair business we are run run!
HAN SOLO
Why don’t you just give me an interstellar
spaceship so that I can run my own business?
JABBA TIURE
Oh HANNY boy! Things come free not.
Cut to LANDO arriving at CAPUTZA and parking the Millenium Falcon. HAN comes out of Jabba’s office and they meet.
LANDO CALRISSIAN
Han!
HAN SOLO
Hey Lando.
LANDO CALRISSIAN
How are you, loser?
HAN SOLO
I need to get out of here. Can I go with you?
LANDO CALRISSIAN
No can do, my man. I’m a space entrepreneur now.
I’m leaving soon for Corellia to sell a startup.
HAN SOLO
Come on, I don’t have any money and I can’t make any on this shithole.
LANDO CALRISSIAN
Come have a drink, let’s talk in private.
Scene XXIII: CAPUTZA, bar - Noon
HAN SOLO
So, what do you have for me?
LANDO CALRISSIAN
Now that I’m a respected businessman I can’t go around selling... you know, the good stuff. But you’ve been delivering packages for JABBA, right?
HAN SOLO
I use one of his space trucks. Lots of storage capacity.
LANDO CALRISSIAN
I’m sure you’ll have some free space for what I’m giving you then.
We’ll split the profits 40-60. I give you the goods, you deliver them.
They won’t be able to trace them back on me, so it’s your problem if you get caught.
HAN SOLO
50-50 and we have a deal.
HAN and LANDO shake hands.
LANDO CALRISSIAN
They’ll arrive every two weeks by this hour.
Someone will get them to you at the alley behind the hangar.
(end of excerpt)
Page 42
Scene XXV: CAPTUZA, nightclub - Late night
HAN is on the dance floor. The nightclub is full of people. “Get Down Saturday Night is playing” [need the rights! The dance choreography should be the same as in “Ex Machina”] He is approached by a foxy lady who starts dancing with him. They yell at each other so they can be heard through the noise.
FOXY LADY
I’ve seen you before!
The music reaches the groviest part, and the fox busts some serious moves.
HAN SOLO
Oh yeah? Maybe yesterday? Sorry if I don’t remember you.
HAN does his best to keep up, and succeeds.
HAN SOLO
I was drunk then too.
FOXY LADY
It was in Corellia I think.
HAN SOLO
I’ve never been there.
They dance for a bit longer. The scene cuts and they’re in HAN’s bed. HAN looks exhausted and clearly still drunk.
HAN SOLO
Oh, damn… I love you.
FOXY LADY
I know.
HAN SOLO
Do you… do you think I’ll remember ... sorry- remember you, tomorrow?
FOXY LADY
Maybe some words will stay on your mind, darling.
The foxy lady and HAN exchange a drunk smile and they try to resume action, but HAN passes out. The foxy lady has some fun on her own*.
*off-camera depending on the MPAA.
Scene XXVI: CAPTUZA, Jabba’s office - Morning
HAN arrives at JABBA’s place, clearly hungover. JABBA doesn’t seem like his usual jovial self.
JABBA TIURE (translated by C2M8)
HANNY! Meesa in huge big trouble! GREEDO was inspectings the truckmobiles like GREEDY does and found some drugs on yousa trucky! For sure thisa means evils is planting druggies to destroy meesa, yousa, everybudsa! Space polices must learn this!
HAN SOLO
Shit, I knew GREEDO would be trouble... Calm down, the drugs are mine.
JABBA TIURE
Yousas, HANNY?! Yousas?!?
HAN SOLO
Look, JABBA, we can make big money.
I’m doing this for us, big fella, you can trust me.
JABBA TIURE
Meesa trusts yousa, HANNY! Long time meesa trusts, HANNY know.
But this… this bad doodoo! Business smells like tauntaun.
HAN SOLO
Look, I know your operation is having money problems. I mean, my
parents were your biggest clients...
JABBA TIURE
We can runs honest enterprises! Weesa large, weesa float!
No need to feed druggies!
HAN SOLO
JABBA, my products are harmless. I take them myself from time to time.
Are you saying I’m a junkie?
They’re safe, people want them and we can make huge profits
by providing a needed service. You just need to give me more space trucks,
I can handle the rest. Think of how many sponsorship programs you can start
to help poor orphans, like you did with that GREEDO bastard.
JABBA TIURE
... in truthful I have not give money to orphans long time because so little money meesa has now... Maybes weesa could help mores if more moneys!
HAN SOLO
You’re a genius, JABBA.
(end of excerpt)
Page 48
Scene XXIX: Shady planet, street and spacetruck - Late night
After leaving the brothel, we see HAN sweating profusely, stopping to catch his breath. He looks sick. He enters his space truck and calls JABBA.
HAN SOLO
Everything in order.
He hangs up. After a brief moment of introspection he turns C2M8 on.
HAN SOLO
It’s been so long, I’m starting to forget their faces.
C2M8
Master HAN! How good to see you!
Who are you talking about?
HAN SOLO
I killed them. The blaster... It couldn’t have been the gas...
Could it?...
C2M8
I estimate that the chances of a blaster explosion leading to the death of your parents to be significantly lower than that of the gas. But according to my calculations the odds are above zero.
HAN SOLO
Odds... Odds... Is she proud? I’m doing the best I can...
I’m following my own path. But it’s so hard, so lonely.
HAN SOLO looks behind his seat and opens one of the hidden spice containers, starts preparing a portion for consumption. Nothing in his behavior seems amateurish.
(end of excerpt)
Page 50
Scene XXXI: MILLENIUM FALCON, in the usual CAPUTZA hangar - Afternoon
HAN and LANDO are playing chess aboard the Falcon.
LANDO CALRISSIAN
Check mate. Again. You’re as bad on the table
as you are on the bed, or so they say!
HAN SOLO
Alright, Calrissian. Talk is cheap. Are you for real?
Do you wanna play for some credits? But let’s play a gambler’s game, go get your sabacc cards.
LANDO CALRISSIAN smiles and gets up. His prized sabacc deck is the exclusive Palpatine’s sponsored collector's edition, with Darth Revan prints and random Sith facts on the back of the cards.
LANDO CALRISSIAN
You know I never back down, Solo.
They play for hours, but finally HAN is stripped to his boxer shorts.
LANDO CALRISSIAN
I’m not interested in having you take those off too.
The game is over, I have to handle some business anyway.
HAN SOLO
What about a last game? With high stakes.
LANDO CALRISSIAN
Proceed?
HAN SOLO
High stakes. Pure luck. A dice throw game.
For this spaceship.
LANDO CALRISSIAN
Ah, and what’s in it for me?
HAN SOLO
90% of our trade deal.
LANDO CALRISSIAN
Interesting, what do you need this ship for?
HAN SOLO
I’ll use it for smuggling.
LANDO CALRISSIAN
What?! This ship is not for smuggling!
It’s the closest thing to a dougle g pimpmobile you’ll find in your lifetime!
HAN SOLO
It’s fast, the fastest. I’ll double my profit.
They each get their favorite pair of D20 dice. LANDO rolls an 18.
LANDO CALRISSIAN
I know I’ll be officially your boss and superior, but we can still be friends after this. I have many poor friends.
HAN starts sweating like a wampa on vacations in Caputza.
LANDO CALRISSIAN
HAN, have you been taking the spices again?
You look sick.
HAN cleans the sweat of his forehead, focuses on the die, takes his time... LANDO gets distracted, looks around and catches a glimpse of his good looks on a close-by mirror [RETROFITTING NOTICE: there should be several mirrors, some of them full-body, throughout LANDO CALRISSIAN’s Millenium Falcon]
LANDO CALRISSIAN
Damn! I’m so classically handsome!
When he looks at the table he sees a die showing 19 at the top.
HAN SOLO
I win, hand me the keys.
LANDO CALRISSIAN
I didn’t see you roll the die!
HAN SOLO
Whose fault is that, punk?
LANDO CALRISSIAN watches as the MILLENIUM FALCON rises in the skies of Captuza. His visage shows a certain mix between curiosity to see where HAN will take such majestic spaceship next and also worry and apprehension over his close-friend’s well-being. HAN SOLO is now the owner of the fastest spaceship in the galaxy and has all the right contacts to turn a big profit, fast. But, although his morals were always sketchy, he seems to be allowing himself to be swallowed in new, ever darkening depths.
END OF ACT 2
ACT 2
Scene XIX: Outer space, inside the MILLENIUM FALCON – Outer space time
The Millenium Falcon has been travelling in hyperspace for hours. HAN, with nothing else to do, spends his time inspecting the crisp interior of the freighter. He had never seen such a pristine spaceship: velvet seats, silk pillows, holographic casino games and even a virtual jacuzzi. HAN gets inside and quickly starts falling asleep in the warm environment when a sexy black man suddenly appears, startling him.
LANDO CALRISSIAN (singing)
Stay woke
Lando’s creepin'
He gon' find you
Gon' catch you sleepin’!
HAN SOLO
Hmwem... what?
LANDO CALRISSIAN
Mr. Renowitz! Your highness! I’m LANDO, your humble servant...
LANDO is clearly amused while HAN tries to hide his embarrassment: it was becoming clear to him that there was no need in getting naked to use a virtual jacuzzi.
HAN SOLO
Erm, how long until we get to Caputza?
LANDO CALRISSIAN
Ma man, let’s introduce ourselves! Catch this.
LANDO throws a funny looking package to HAN, which falls into the virtual water. HAN rescues it.
LANDO CALRISSIAN
I’m LANDO, I’m a smuggler, also a gambler and full time ladies man.
You do as I say and you are going to have some fun
while staying on the FALCON.
HAN regains his wits and tries to get the upper hand.
HAN SOLO
I thought you were my taxi driver. Will you lend me your cape so I can dry myself?
LANDO feigns being offended.
LANDO CALRISSIAN
You call this a taxi? This is the fastest ship in the galaxy, “Mr. Renowitz”.
The back-and-forth continues for a few minutes. Although bitingly sarcastic, the two men seem to get along, admiring each other’s arrogance and strong sense of self-worth.
HAN SOLO
So, what’s the plan? Why haven’t we reached JABBA yet?
LANDO CALRISSIAN
I’m not going to be your babysitter, that’s for sure.
The fat slob can wait, we will make some real money in the meantime.
Scene XX: Multiple places - Mainly evenings
MONTAGE SEQUENCE (duration 3:30):
Scenes of HAN and LANDO making money from smuggling, spending the money on ladies and gambling, making more money, spending more money. The montage ends with LANDO and HAN parting ways in a friendly fashion.
[Musical supervisor: try to get the rights for a Figrin D'an and the Modal Nodes version of “Push It to the Limit” to use as soundtrack.]
(end of excerpt)
Page 38
Scene XXII: CAPTUZA, Hangar - Morning
HAN enters JABBA’s office, clearly frustrated.
HAN SOLO
JABBA, this job isn’t cutting it for me.
I’m tired of driving space trucks to get a buck and a half.
JABBA TIURE (translated by C2M8)
HAN, tiny HANNY! Know wes been losing clients.
But run a fair business we are run run!
HAN SOLO
Why don’t you just give me an interstellar
spaceship so that I can run my own business?
JABBA TIURE
Oh HANNY boy! Things come free not.
Cut to LANDO arriving at CAPUTZA and parking the Millenium Falcon. HAN comes out of Jabba’s office and they meet.
LANDO CALRISSIAN
Han!
HAN SOLO
Hey Lando.
LANDO CALRISSIAN
How are you, loser?
HAN SOLO
I need to get out of here. Can I go with you?
LANDO CALRISSIAN
No can do, my man. I’m a space entrepreneur now.
I’m leaving soon for Corellia to sell a startup.
HAN SOLO
Come on, I don’t have any money and I can’t make any on this shithole.
LANDO CALRISSIAN
Come have a drink, let’s talk in private.
Scene XXIII: CAPUTZA, bar - Noon
HAN SOLO
So, what do you have for me?
LANDO CALRISSIAN
Now that I’m a respected businessman I can’t go around selling... you know, the good stuff. But you’ve been delivering packages for JABBA, right?
HAN SOLO
I use one of his space trucks. Lots of storage capacity.
LANDO CALRISSIAN
I’m sure you’ll have some free space for what I’m giving you then.
We’ll split the profits 40-60. I give you the goods, you deliver them.
They won’t be able to trace them back on me, so it’s your problem if you get caught.
HAN SOLO
50-50 and we have a deal.
HAN and LANDO shake hands.
LANDO CALRISSIAN
They’ll arrive every two weeks by this hour.
Someone will get them to you at the alley behind the hangar.
(end of excerpt)
Page 42
Scene XXV: CAPTUZA, nightclub - Late night
HAN is on the dance floor. The nightclub is full of people. “Get Down Saturday Night is playing” [need the rights! The dance choreography should be the same as in “Ex Machina”] He is approached by a foxy lady who starts dancing with him. They yell at each other so they can be heard through the noise.
FOXY LADY
I’ve seen you before!
The music reaches the groviest part, and the fox busts some serious moves.
HAN SOLO
Oh yeah? Maybe yesterday? Sorry if I don’t remember you.
HAN does his best to keep up, and succeeds.
HAN SOLO
I was drunk then too.
FOXY LADY
It was in Corellia I think.
HAN SOLO
I’ve never been there.
They dance for a bit longer. The scene cuts and they’re in HAN’s bed. HAN looks exhausted and clearly still drunk.
HAN SOLO
Oh, damn… I love you.
FOXY LADY
I know.
HAN SOLO
Do you… do you think I’ll remember ... sorry- remember you, tomorrow?
FOXY LADY
Maybe some words will stay on your mind, darling.
The foxy lady and HAN exchange a drunk smile and they try to resume action, but HAN passes out. The foxy lady has some fun on her own*.
*off-camera depending on the MPAA.
Scene XXVI: CAPTUZA, Jabba’s office - Morning
HAN arrives at JABBA’s place, clearly hungover. JABBA doesn’t seem like his usual jovial self.
JABBA TIURE (translated by C2M8)
HANNY! Meesa in huge big trouble! GREEDO was inspectings the truckmobiles like GREEDY does and found some drugs on yousa trucky! For sure thisa means evils is planting druggies to destroy meesa, yousa, everybudsa! Space polices must learn this!
HAN SOLO
Shit, I knew GREEDO would be trouble... Calm down, the drugs are mine.
JABBA TIURE
Yousas, HANNY?! Yousas?!?
HAN SOLO
Look, JABBA, we can make big money.
I’m doing this for us, big fella, you can trust me.
JABBA TIURE
Meesa trusts yousa, HANNY! Long time meesa trusts, HANNY know.
But this… this bad doodoo! Business smells like tauntaun.
HAN SOLO
Look, I know your operation is having money problems. I mean, my
parents were your biggest clients...
JABBA TIURE
We can runs honest enterprises! Weesa large, weesa float!
No need to feed druggies!
HAN SOLO
JABBA, my products are harmless. I take them myself from time to time.
Are you saying I’m a junkie?
They’re safe, people want them and we can make huge profits
by providing a needed service. You just need to give me more space trucks,
I can handle the rest. Think of how many sponsorship programs you can start
to help poor orphans, like you did with that GREEDO bastard.
JABBA TIURE
... in truthful I have not give money to orphans long time because so little money meesa has now... Maybes weesa could help mores if more moneys!
HAN SOLO
You’re a genius, JABBA.
(end of excerpt)
Page 48
Scene XXIX: Shady planet, street and spacetruck - Late night
After leaving the brothel, we see HAN sweating profusely, stopping to catch his breath. He looks sick. He enters his space truck and calls JABBA.
HAN SOLO
Everything in order.
He hangs up. After a brief moment of introspection he turns C2M8 on.
HAN SOLO
It’s been so long, I’m starting to forget their faces.
C2M8
Master HAN! How good to see you!
Who are you talking about?
HAN SOLO
I killed them. The blaster... It couldn’t have been the gas...
Could it?...
C2M8
I estimate that the chances of a blaster explosion leading to the death of your parents to be significantly lower than that of the gas. But according to my calculations the odds are above zero.
HAN SOLO
Odds... Odds... Is she proud? I’m doing the best I can...
I’m following my own path. But it’s so hard, so lonely.
HAN SOLO looks behind his seat and opens one of the hidden spice containers, starts preparing a portion for consumption. Nothing in his behavior seems amateurish.
(end of excerpt)
Page 50
Scene XXXI: MILLENIUM FALCON, in the usual CAPUTZA hangar - Afternoon
HAN and LANDO are playing chess aboard the Falcon.
LANDO CALRISSIAN
Check mate. Again. You’re as bad on the table
as you are on the bed, or so they say!
HAN SOLO
Alright, Calrissian. Talk is cheap. Are you for real?
Do you wanna play for some credits? But let’s play a gambler’s game, go get your sabacc cards.
LANDO CALRISSIAN smiles and gets up. His prized sabacc deck is the exclusive Palpatine’s sponsored collector's edition, with Darth Revan prints and random Sith facts on the back of the cards.
LANDO CALRISSIAN
You know I never back down, Solo.
They play for hours, but finally HAN is stripped to his boxer shorts.
LANDO CALRISSIAN
I’m not interested in having you take those off too.
The game is over, I have to handle some business anyway.
HAN SOLO
What about a last game? With high stakes.
LANDO CALRISSIAN
Proceed?
HAN SOLO
High stakes. Pure luck. A dice throw game.
For this spaceship.
LANDO CALRISSIAN
Ah, and what’s in it for me?
HAN SOLO
90% of our trade deal.
LANDO CALRISSIAN
Interesting, what do you need this ship for?
HAN SOLO
I’ll use it for smuggling.
LANDO CALRISSIAN
What?! This ship is not for smuggling!
It’s the closest thing to a dougle g pimpmobile you’ll find in your lifetime!
HAN SOLO
It’s fast, the fastest. I’ll double my profit.
They each get their favorite pair of D20 dice. LANDO rolls an 18.
LANDO CALRISSIAN
I know I’ll be officially your boss and superior, but we can still be friends after this. I have many poor friends.
HAN starts sweating like a wampa on vacations in Caputza.
LANDO CALRISSIAN
HAN, have you been taking the spices again?
You look sick.
HAN cleans the sweat of his forehead, focuses on the die, takes his time... LANDO gets distracted, looks around and catches a glimpse of his good looks on a close-by mirror [RETROFITTING NOTICE: there should be several mirrors, some of them full-body, throughout LANDO CALRISSIAN’s Millenium Falcon]
LANDO CALRISSIAN
Damn! I’m so classically handsome!
When he looks at the table he sees a die showing 19 at the top.
HAN SOLO
I win, hand me the keys.
LANDO CALRISSIAN
I didn’t see you roll the die!
HAN SOLO
Whose fault is that, punk?
LANDO CALRISSIAN watches as the MILLENIUM FALCON rises in the skies of Captuza. His visage shows a certain mix between curiosity to see where HAN will take such majestic spaceship next and also worry and apprehension over his close-friend’s well-being. HAN SOLO is now the owner of the fastest spaceship in the galaxy and has all the right contacts to turn a big profit, fast. But, although his morals were always sketchy, he seems to be allowing himself to be swallowed in new, ever darkening depths.
END OF ACT 2
20 May 2018
Solo leaked script - Act I
Through hololeaks, we were able to obtain an early draft of the script
for the upcoming Han Solo movie. Unfortunately it’s not complete and
from what we saw on the recent teasers it also seems to have been
eventually abandoned and replaced with a reworked version of the James
Kirk coming-of-age
oh-look-at-me-I-pilot-so-well-but-I’m-such-a-rebel-and-the-pilot-school-doesn’t-want-me
drama from Star Trek’s 2009 reboot. Still, it might be interesting to
see where the story was aiming for at first.
SOLO: A Star Wars Story
(original draft script)
Page 1
ACT 1
Scene 0: Outer space outside CORELLIA – Outer space time
OPENING CRAWL:
PEACE! The corrupt Republic crumbled after
a decisive move by Chancellor Palpatine ended
the ongoing senseless struggle between the Trade
Federation and the clone troops led by greedy,
power-hungry Jedi Knights, establishing the
new GALACTIC EMPIRE and opening a period of
PROSPERITY in the galaxy.
It’s a time for big businesses to flourish, and major
interstellar conflicts were replaced by generational
quarrels within old dynasties. Just as the holonews
stop talking about bloodsheds in both unknown
regions and capital planets, small-scale household
dramas take front-stage and the GOSSIP it brews is
certainly more exciting than any whispered tales of
rebels on underground worlds. One never knows
what will shape the GALAXY next ...
The camera tilts downwards after the text disappears for a wide shot of the planet CORELLIA. A flux of commercial ships moves both to and from the planet. As the same logo is seen in most of them, the camera focus on a ship approaching the planet, enough to let the audience read: RENOWITZ INDUSTRIES.
Scene I: CORELLIA, Renowitz Mansion - Morning
HAN, the rebellious teenage son of affluent department store owners KYLO and ODDS RENOWITZ, is staring blankly at his 72’ Hologram Screen. The living room is large and fancy.
ZELDA (on the holoscreen)
… I am TIRED of you always pretending that I can’t help
myself. Maybe I WANTED to be kidnapped by Ganondorf!
LINK (on the holoscreen)
Well excuuuuuuuuuse me, Princess!
KYLO RENOWITZ, sharply dressed, walks stiffly into the room and asserts, without looking at HAN.
KYLO RENOWITZ
HAN, I have business to attend to at the store.
C2M8 will take you to school today.
There’s no reply from HAN. KYLO adjusts his watch and finally looks at HAN, and then at the screen. He says, in a mocking and disregarding tone.
KYLO RENOWITZ
Oh, you’re still watching those silly cartoons? Grow up HAN.
Do you think a princess would ever need your help?
You can’t even help yourself.
As he leaves in disgust, ODDS RENOWITZ hurriedly comes into the room, barely noticing her son, grabs her wampa fur-scarf, and is ready to leave - when she hears HAN growl under his breath.
HAN RENOWITZ
Yeah, whatever man...
ODDS RENOWITZ slowly walks towards HAN, as if going down the runway, and kisses him on the forehead.
ODDS RENOWITZ
Oh sweetie pie... how were classes yesterday?
ODDS then stares at herself in her pocket mirror, fixing her hair.
HAN RENOWITZ
It was like Sunday or whatever, MOM!
I got that greedy bastard to do me some...
ODDS RENOWITZ
You stop right there, mister!
Whenever you feel like criticizing anyone just remember that all
the people in this world haven’t had the advantages that you’ve had.
HAN was used to hearing ODDS spew out empty advices she had read on her boujee book-club, so he just rolls his eyes and makes sure she leaves his hefty allowance before closing the door behind her. She was leaving for another week-long shopping spree.
C2M8 comes into the room. Even though he is a droid, he is noticeably nervous.
C2M8
Please, master HAN, your worshipfulness, we have to hurry!
The odds of reaching the school on time are...
HAN RENOWITZ
Don’t talk to me about ODDS, you piece of garbage.
You haven’t even collected my shit.
C2M8 hastily moves around the room, tripping on HAN’s belongings which are spread everywhere.
(end of excerpt)
Page 7
Scene III: CORELLIA, School – Late Morning
Wide shot of an elite private school. Zoom into HAN in the recess’ exotic petting farm as he’s hiding behind a smelly Tauntaun, aiming a slingshot into the open classroom window.
THE PROFESSOR
... and the first space opera performed there was written by...
SOME GREEN ALIEN KID
The illustrious director Notluwiski Papanoida!
THE PROFESSOR
Absolutely correct! You see boys, that’s why he has a scholarship!
He might not be as rich as some... but smart he is!
The SMART GREEN ALIEN KID awkwardly tries to smile and compose himself after hearing such a remark. As the PROFESSOR turns her back to write on the board the KID gets hit by a rock in his left antenna.
SCHOLARSHIP GRANTEE GREEN ALIEN KID
Ouch!
As the INJURED GREEN ALIEN KID starts to cry and the PROFESSOR checks on him, HAN uses the commotion to sneakily jump inside through the window, but he is spotted.
INJURED GREEN ALIEN KID
Look, Teacher, it was HAN! He shot me!
HAN RENOWITZ
What!? He cries every time someone calls him poor, the jealous bastard!
JEALOUS GREEN ALIEN KID
You’re mean! You shot me!
HAN RENOWITZ
Well, you shot me first. Remember... guys? Greedy boy!
SOME STUDENTS
GREEDO! GREEDO! GREEDO!
A ferocious debate begins, some students defend GREEDO, while most are on HAN’s side. The scene goes on for a few seconds.
(end of excerpt)
Page 15
Scene VI: CAPUTZA, A Desert Planet - Early Afternoon
KYLO and HAN RENOWITZ arrive to a modern looking docking bay. Waiting them is JABBA TIURE, a renowned trader and business partner of KYLO.
KYLO RENOWITZ
HAN, I don’t want you to be here either but I need you to keep
the business afloat when you get it, so just shut up and learn.
JABBA TIURE
Ta tiska! Ta tun ta tuunn, KYLO KYLO! Et tutiti HAN, ta grandi!
Sheza, yo baca kabadacarda?
KYLO RENOWITZ
Booming!
(further dialogue and shenanigans to be written)
KYLO angrily tells HAN to leave after the repeated transgressions, to which he happily obliges. HAN checks the note with the address of the arms dealer he got previously from a classmate. CAPUTZA was notable for its underground market and HAN was sure he would finally be able to get a blaster.
Scene VII: Shady canteen in CAPUTZA - Afternoon
We see HAN talking to a strange and improbable pair: a human-pig and an Aqualish thug. They seem eager to get rid of him. As HAN leaves in the direction of a table they pointed to, the couple steps inside a closet.
HAN RENOWITZ
Are you Bobby Fat?
BOBBA FETT
What do you want?
HAN RENOWITZ
I need a blaster.
BOBBA FETT
I don’t have nada for you, KID.
HAN RENOWITZ
I got money, Bobby.
BOBBA FETT
Whatever, meet me later around the corner.
(end of excerpt)
Page 23
Scene X: CORELLIA, School - Morning
HAN is at the school recess, behind a Tauntaun. He still couldn’t believe that the arms dealer had sold him a lame BB blaster. However, as he points the blaster at GREEDO’s right antenna, he seems confident in the modifications he made.
THE PROFESSOR
... and that’s why we don’t have Ewoks
in the petting zoo anymore, children.
A loud bang is heard as the ceiling of the petting zoo collapses. The camera turns to HAN who seems dumbfounded, looking at his blaster which appears to be leaking something.
THE PROFESSOR
Mister RENOWITZ! What have you done?!
That was the last straw!
(end of excerpt)
Page 27
Scene XIII: CORELLIA, Renowitz Mansion - Evening
Panning shot over the outside of the Renowitz mansion. We see HAN half-assedly working in the garden as KYLO angrily enters the house and slams the door. Through a window, we see ODDS unpacking some shopping bags. Cut to the living room.
KYLO RENOWITZ
I can’t believe that Hutt called me out on ethics
about the new business proposition!
How does he think I can afford your shopping sprees?!?
ODDS RENOWITZ
Oh dear, welcome home! I talked to HAN earlier and he seems a tad depressed.
Should we take him to Naboo on a little get away?
It’s been sooo long since our last holiday!
KYLO seems frustrated at her aloofness but resigned at the same time. He draws a cigar from his leather Gucci cigar case. C2M8 enters the room.
C2M8
Your worshipfulnessesses, dinner is almost ready!
It’s the most exquisite Bantha rib with sweet potatoes.
ODDS RENOWITZ
Oh no! There goes my diet, ahahah!
Oh, take these dresses upstairs for me, will ya, darling?
C2M8
Most certainly, your highness of the highs, madam, sir.
But I should attend to the dinner first.
ODDS RENOWITZ
That wasn’t a request, sweety pie.
KYLO RENOWITZ
Get me the lighter, will you?
Outside, HAN is cutting his fingernails with the garden shears. Suddenly, an explosion distracts him from his meticulous task. Smoke comes from the broken windows of the mansion as C2M8’s head falls right next to him.
C2M8
Dinner will be delayed for several minutes, master HAN!
(end of excerpt)
Page 31
Scene XVI: CORELLIA, Cemetery - Morning
Tracking shot of a line of attendees to MR and MRS KYLO RENOWITZ’s funeral. We hear some sobs but mostly whispered gossip. Words like ‘HAN’, ‘explosion’, ‘blaster’, ‘money’, ‘greedy’, ‘crazy’, ‘murderer’, ‘murderer, ‘MURDERER’ are repeated... As the tracking shot ends at the front of the line, zoom into HAN’s. He seems undisposed, holding C2M8’s head in his arm. JABBA TIURE is next in line.
JABBA TIURE
Fruti tuti, gagu HAN… Tutiti Han grandi,
tat ton KYLO, tat ton ODDS… kadukibacardi?
As JABBA starts weeping like a sinner on a Sunday morning, HAN asks C2M8 to translate.
JABBA TIURE
Me and a-KYLO go back the long time...
Me believe not those accusation on yousa.
I help you with future yousa need. Come in Caputza.
HAN
(below his breath)
Maybe it was my fault.
GREEDO and THE PROFESSOR come near HAN, GREEDO sobbing visibly.
THE PROFESSOR
I know this is a bad time, but I still have to inform you that, since the family court is investigating the incident, you have been expelled from the school. I’m sorry Mister RENOWITZ, but we have an image to preserve. I know you are cut out of your inheritance for the time being, but there are still fees to be paid...
As THE PROFESSOR starts walking away, GREEDO pulls on her sleeve.
THE PROFESSOR
Oh, right, GREEDO here wants you to know he is prepared to share his only, dirty blanket with you. You should take it, HAN, you don’t have a lot of friends left... and nowhere to sleep.
GREEDO seems to be trying to mutter something as he starts to lift his head. HAN furiously reaches for the blaster hidden in his pants and aims it at GREEDO’s right antenna. The scene ends with people around him, holding him off. ‘Crazy!’, ‘murderer’, ‘dangerous’, ‘stop!’.
(end of excerpt)
Page 35
Scene XVIII: CORELLIA, Hangar - Night
Wide shot of the hangar, many ships are leaving. HAN is carrying a small backpack. He seems much calmer and more contemplative than usual. Through his face we seem to glimpse his mind trying to explain to himself how he got there. He lowers his gaze towards the ground where he catches glimpses of his own reflection on some spilled gasoline. He speaks slowly, looking at C2M8 head which he holds in his hands in front of him.
HAN
Renowitz... Renowitz... my whole life I had to live up to a name and a legacy that doesn’t represent me. All these years I had this weight on my shoulders, had to appear a certain way, had to maintain an attitude befitting a class that I despise, had to see my artistic tendencies crushed by a father who cares more about hierarchy than love, a mother who can only show HER love in materialistic ways, instead of maternalistic ones... And now I’m being cast out, accused of bringing destruction to those whom, although never shown true affection by, I’ve always tried to make proud. Now they are making me leave. But that’s fine... I’ll follow my own path. If I have to go from Corellia, I’ll let go of everything. No more money. No more mansion. No more weekend mansion. No more friends. No more... Renowitz. Now... I am... SOLO!
As he finishes his speech it dramatically starts raining; HAN SOLO falls to his knees and lets out a shriek. HAN face shows the moment has reached PEAK MELODRAMA! After a few seconds he slowly rises and enters the spaceship Jabba has sent to collect him. The ship looks really fancy, one could even say it was like a space Cadillac. On the windshield we see “Express Millenium Falcon: Destination CAPTUZA”. He enters the ship without looking back.
END OF ACT 1
SOLO: A Star Wars Story
(original draft script)
Page 1
ACT 1
Scene 0: Outer space outside CORELLIA – Outer space time
OPENING CRAWL:
PEACE! The corrupt Republic crumbled after
a decisive move by Chancellor Palpatine ended
the ongoing senseless struggle between the Trade
Federation and the clone troops led by greedy,
power-hungry Jedi Knights, establishing the
new GALACTIC EMPIRE and opening a period of
PROSPERITY in the galaxy.
It’s a time for big businesses to flourish, and major
interstellar conflicts were replaced by generational
quarrels within old dynasties. Just as the holonews
stop talking about bloodsheds in both unknown
regions and capital planets, small-scale household
dramas take front-stage and the GOSSIP it brews is
certainly more exciting than any whispered tales of
rebels on underground worlds. One never knows
what will shape the GALAXY next ...
The camera tilts downwards after the text disappears for a wide shot of the planet CORELLIA. A flux of commercial ships moves both to and from the planet. As the same logo is seen in most of them, the camera focus on a ship approaching the planet, enough to let the audience read: RENOWITZ INDUSTRIES.
Scene I: CORELLIA, Renowitz Mansion - Morning
HAN, the rebellious teenage son of affluent department store owners KYLO and ODDS RENOWITZ, is staring blankly at his 72’ Hologram Screen. The living room is large and fancy.
ZELDA (on the holoscreen)
… I am TIRED of you always pretending that I can’t help
myself. Maybe I WANTED to be kidnapped by Ganondorf!
LINK (on the holoscreen)
Well excuuuuuuuuuse me, Princess!
KYLO RENOWITZ, sharply dressed, walks stiffly into the room and asserts, without looking at HAN.
KYLO RENOWITZ
HAN, I have business to attend to at the store.
C2M8 will take you to school today.
There’s no reply from HAN. KYLO adjusts his watch and finally looks at HAN, and then at the screen. He says, in a mocking and disregarding tone.
KYLO RENOWITZ
Oh, you’re still watching those silly cartoons? Grow up HAN.
Do you think a princess would ever need your help?
You can’t even help yourself.
As he leaves in disgust, ODDS RENOWITZ hurriedly comes into the room, barely noticing her son, grabs her wampa fur-scarf, and is ready to leave - when she hears HAN growl under his breath.
HAN RENOWITZ
Yeah, whatever man...
ODDS RENOWITZ slowly walks towards HAN, as if going down the runway, and kisses him on the forehead.
ODDS RENOWITZ
Oh sweetie pie... how were classes yesterday?
ODDS then stares at herself in her pocket mirror, fixing her hair.
HAN RENOWITZ
It was like Sunday or whatever, MOM!
I got that greedy bastard to do me some...
ODDS RENOWITZ
You stop right there, mister!
Whenever you feel like criticizing anyone just remember that all
the people in this world haven’t had the advantages that you’ve had.
HAN was used to hearing ODDS spew out empty advices she had read on her boujee book-club, so he just rolls his eyes and makes sure she leaves his hefty allowance before closing the door behind her. She was leaving for another week-long shopping spree.
C2M8 comes into the room. Even though he is a droid, he is noticeably nervous.
C2M8
Please, master HAN, your worshipfulness, we have to hurry!
The odds of reaching the school on time are...
HAN RENOWITZ
Don’t talk to me about ODDS, you piece of garbage.
You haven’t even collected my shit.
C2M8 hastily moves around the room, tripping on HAN’s belongings which are spread everywhere.
(end of excerpt)
Page 7
Scene III: CORELLIA, School – Late Morning
Wide shot of an elite private school. Zoom into HAN in the recess’ exotic petting farm as he’s hiding behind a smelly Tauntaun, aiming a slingshot into the open classroom window.
THE PROFESSOR
... and the first space opera performed there was written by...
SOME GREEN ALIEN KID
The illustrious director Notluwiski Papanoida!
THE PROFESSOR
Absolutely correct! You see boys, that’s why he has a scholarship!
He might not be as rich as some... but smart he is!
The SMART GREEN ALIEN KID awkwardly tries to smile and compose himself after hearing such a remark. As the PROFESSOR turns her back to write on the board the KID gets hit by a rock in his left antenna.
SCHOLARSHIP GRANTEE GREEN ALIEN KID
Ouch!
As the INJURED GREEN ALIEN KID starts to cry and the PROFESSOR checks on him, HAN uses the commotion to sneakily jump inside through the window, but he is spotted.
INJURED GREEN ALIEN KID
Look, Teacher, it was HAN! He shot me!
HAN RENOWITZ
What!? He cries every time someone calls him poor, the jealous bastard!
JEALOUS GREEN ALIEN KID
You’re mean! You shot me!
HAN RENOWITZ
Well, you shot me first. Remember... guys? Greedy boy!
SOME STUDENTS
GREEDO! GREEDO! GREEDO!
A ferocious debate begins, some students defend GREEDO, while most are on HAN’s side. The scene goes on for a few seconds.
(end of excerpt)
Page 15
Scene VI: CAPUTZA, A Desert Planet - Early Afternoon
KYLO and HAN RENOWITZ arrive to a modern looking docking bay. Waiting them is JABBA TIURE, a renowned trader and business partner of KYLO.
KYLO RENOWITZ
HAN, I don’t want you to be here either but I need you to keep
the business afloat when you get it, so just shut up and learn.
JABBA TIURE
Ta tiska! Ta tun ta tuunn, KYLO KYLO! Et tutiti HAN, ta grandi!
Sheza, yo baca kabadacarda?
KYLO RENOWITZ
Booming!
(further dialogue and shenanigans to be written)
KYLO angrily tells HAN to leave after the repeated transgressions, to which he happily obliges. HAN checks the note with the address of the arms dealer he got previously from a classmate. CAPUTZA was notable for its underground market and HAN was sure he would finally be able to get a blaster.
Scene VII: Shady canteen in CAPUTZA - Afternoon
We see HAN talking to a strange and improbable pair: a human-pig and an Aqualish thug. They seem eager to get rid of him. As HAN leaves in the direction of a table they pointed to, the couple steps inside a closet.
HAN RENOWITZ
Are you Bobby Fat?
BOBBA FETT
What do you want?
HAN RENOWITZ
I need a blaster.
BOBBA FETT
I don’t have nada for you, KID.
HAN RENOWITZ
I got money, Bobby.
BOBBA FETT
Whatever, meet me later around the corner.
(end of excerpt)
Page 23
Scene X: CORELLIA, School - Morning
HAN is at the school recess, behind a Tauntaun. He still couldn’t believe that the arms dealer had sold him a lame BB blaster. However, as he points the blaster at GREEDO’s right antenna, he seems confident in the modifications he made.
THE PROFESSOR
... and that’s why we don’t have Ewoks
in the petting zoo anymore, children.
A loud bang is heard as the ceiling of the petting zoo collapses. The camera turns to HAN who seems dumbfounded, looking at his blaster which appears to be leaking something.
THE PROFESSOR
Mister RENOWITZ! What have you done?!
That was the last straw!
(end of excerpt)
Page 27
Scene XIII: CORELLIA, Renowitz Mansion - Evening
Panning shot over the outside of the Renowitz mansion. We see HAN half-assedly working in the garden as KYLO angrily enters the house and slams the door. Through a window, we see ODDS unpacking some shopping bags. Cut to the living room.
KYLO RENOWITZ
I can’t believe that Hutt called me out on ethics
about the new business proposition!
How does he think I can afford your shopping sprees?!?
ODDS RENOWITZ
Oh dear, welcome home! I talked to HAN earlier and he seems a tad depressed.
Should we take him to Naboo on a little get away?
It’s been sooo long since our last holiday!
KYLO seems frustrated at her aloofness but resigned at the same time. He draws a cigar from his leather Gucci cigar case. C2M8 enters the room.
C2M8
Your worshipfulnessesses, dinner is almost ready!
It’s the most exquisite Bantha rib with sweet potatoes.
ODDS RENOWITZ
Oh no! There goes my diet, ahahah!
Oh, take these dresses upstairs for me, will ya, darling?
C2M8
Most certainly, your highness of the highs, madam, sir.
But I should attend to the dinner first.
ODDS RENOWITZ
That wasn’t a request, sweety pie.
KYLO RENOWITZ
Get me the lighter, will you?
Outside, HAN is cutting his fingernails with the garden shears. Suddenly, an explosion distracts him from his meticulous task. Smoke comes from the broken windows of the mansion as C2M8’s head falls right next to him.
C2M8
Dinner will be delayed for several minutes, master HAN!
(end of excerpt)
Page 31
Scene XVI: CORELLIA, Cemetery - Morning
Tracking shot of a line of attendees to MR and MRS KYLO RENOWITZ’s funeral. We hear some sobs but mostly whispered gossip. Words like ‘HAN’, ‘explosion’, ‘blaster’, ‘money’, ‘greedy’, ‘crazy’, ‘murderer’, ‘murderer, ‘MURDERER’ are repeated... As the tracking shot ends at the front of the line, zoom into HAN’s. He seems undisposed, holding C2M8’s head in his arm. JABBA TIURE is next in line.
JABBA TIURE
Fruti tuti, gagu HAN… Tutiti Han grandi,
tat ton KYLO, tat ton ODDS… kadukibacardi?
As JABBA starts weeping like a sinner on a Sunday morning, HAN asks C2M8 to translate.
JABBA TIURE
Me and a-KYLO go back the long time...
Me believe not those accusation on yousa.
I help you with future yousa need. Come in Caputza.
HAN
(below his breath)
Maybe it was my fault.
GREEDO and THE PROFESSOR come near HAN, GREEDO sobbing visibly.
THE PROFESSOR
I know this is a bad time, but I still have to inform you that, since the family court is investigating the incident, you have been expelled from the school. I’m sorry Mister RENOWITZ, but we have an image to preserve. I know you are cut out of your inheritance for the time being, but there are still fees to be paid...
As THE PROFESSOR starts walking away, GREEDO pulls on her sleeve.
THE PROFESSOR
Oh, right, GREEDO here wants you to know he is prepared to share his only, dirty blanket with you. You should take it, HAN, you don’t have a lot of friends left... and nowhere to sleep.
GREEDO seems to be trying to mutter something as he starts to lift his head. HAN furiously reaches for the blaster hidden in his pants and aims it at GREEDO’s right antenna. The scene ends with people around him, holding him off. ‘Crazy!’, ‘murderer’, ‘dangerous’, ‘stop!’.
(end of excerpt)
Page 35
Scene XVIII: CORELLIA, Hangar - Night
Wide shot of the hangar, many ships are leaving. HAN is carrying a small backpack. He seems much calmer and more contemplative than usual. Through his face we seem to glimpse his mind trying to explain to himself how he got there. He lowers his gaze towards the ground where he catches glimpses of his own reflection on some spilled gasoline. He speaks slowly, looking at C2M8 head which he holds in his hands in front of him.
HAN
Renowitz... Renowitz... my whole life I had to live up to a name and a legacy that doesn’t represent me. All these years I had this weight on my shoulders, had to appear a certain way, had to maintain an attitude befitting a class that I despise, had to see my artistic tendencies crushed by a father who cares more about hierarchy than love, a mother who can only show HER love in materialistic ways, instead of maternalistic ones... And now I’m being cast out, accused of bringing destruction to those whom, although never shown true affection by, I’ve always tried to make proud. Now they are making me leave. But that’s fine... I’ll follow my own path. If I have to go from Corellia, I’ll let go of everything. No more money. No more mansion. No more weekend mansion. No more friends. No more... Renowitz. Now... I am... SOLO!
As he finishes his speech it dramatically starts raining; HAN SOLO falls to his knees and lets out a shriek. HAN face shows the moment has reached PEAK MELODRAMA! After a few seconds he slowly rises and enters the spaceship Jabba has sent to collect him. The ship looks really fancy, one could even say it was like a space Cadillac. On the windshield we see “Express Millenium Falcon: Destination CAPTUZA”. He enters the ship without looking back.
END OF ACT 1
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